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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23597971">What it was to be that thing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/umiiral/pseuds/umiiral'>umiiral</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Quick tequila shots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>LOONA (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bars, Drinking &amp; Talking, F/F, Feelings, Smoking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:07:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,691</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23597971</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/umiiral/pseuds/umiiral</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>One night Jinsol stumbled upon the bar in the outskirts of the city where Jungeun frequented. The first time they talked, Jungeun was sure it had the same feeling of digging her own grave.</p><p>They did it one time, and another naturally followed. So Jungeun wanted more like it was natural and consequential for her to do so.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Quick tequila shots [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698568</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What it was to be that thing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There was no remorse left in women who claimed they needed nobody. An occasional warm body here and there but nothing more. And she knew deep down if she did not expect from the other party then she would never be disappointed.</p><p>So what was this irrational fear that was forming in her throat when Jinsol began gulping down most of the shots Sooyoung was placing on their table? Given that it was an alarming speed that she was doing this.</p><p>-</p><p>Jungeun made it in the bar before sundown because she planned to head home early. She planned to get a margarita, chat with her friend who happened to be manning the bar that night. She was an amateur bartender tonight because the one who was supposed to be there couldn’t make it. So instead of finding an amiable replacement, the manager just assigned her in the slot.</p><p>“It’s almost your fourth night here. Still no replacement?” Jungeun took a seat in a bar stool, her cheeks tinted red by the wind from walking in the cold.</p><p>Sooyoung was wiping the draft beer dispenser clean behind the bar top. “I consider this as a part of my crash course in bartending. Besides, I think I’m happier here than being the receptionist.”</p><p>“Can you make margaritas now?”</p><p>Sooyoung handed it to her after a minute, the rim layered with salt and a lone lime hooked on its side. She took a sip.</p><p>“How is it?”</p><p>She took another sip. “Tangy. But I can taste the kick.”</p><p>“Not bad?”</p><p>“Not bad.” Sooyoung nodded so as to affirm the compliment.</p><p>“What brings you here this early? People usually don’t come right before opening time.”</p><p>“Just felt like getting buzzed a little bit and talking to you”</p><p>“So, was it a rough day being the secretary of your arrogant boss or is it about girls?”</p><p>Jungeun had the tad bit of self control to not spit her drink out. “You should start thinking better of me. And Jaden isn’t arrogant, he’s just vocal about his… artistic outputs.”</p><p>“Yeah, wait until he’s famous among his network of businessmen and he’ll probably ditch your company for a better one.”</p><p>“Girl, you’re cruel.” She started drinking just then. The alcohol slightly burning the sides of her throat. All this was didn't matter as she found comfort in the lone company of her drink and Sooyoung passing by her side of the table every now and then as she fixed everything in the bar wall for the opening.</p><p>On her third margarita and with the bar starting to get slightly crowded, Jinsol barged in. Leather jacket with the buttons popped open and showing off the tank top inside. Pants that were too skin tight for her own good. She looked delectable.</p><p>And as if the universe was conspiring against her, Jinsol instantly spotted Jungeun’s familiar face  the moment the doors shut behind her.</p><p>“I fucking hate it here.” She said to herself as Jinsol made her way towards her direction.</p><p>“Oh, you love her. Shots?” Sooyoung was already pouring her a full shot glass of Jose Cuervo.</p><p>“Fuck it.” She cursed again as she immediately threw her head back to down one shot, disregarding the salt and lime Sooyoung was offering her. She felt bitter and so did her whole mouth.</p><p>“Jungeun,” Jinsol took the empty seat beside her which she hated because tight spaces weren’t her thing and that’s what Jinsol made her feel. In a good way, unironically. She kept avoiding her stare.</p><p>“How are you?”</p><p>She ignored her but she knew Jinsol was watching her every movement. She had an awareness for Jinsol that ticked her off, even in her buzzed out state.</p><p>“No response at all? When we were texting last night, you treated me differently.” Jungeun could notice Sooyoung listening two seats apart and was giggling to herself while mixing drinks.</p><p>“You said you wanted to screw so I responded.” Jungeun hid the slight upturn of her lips behind her glass.</p><p>“Damn, okay.” Jungeun raised her hands midway as if in defeat. “I was just trying to ask you how your day went.”</p><p>“My day went well, thank you for asking.” And there was silence in the space between them, the chatter of the people indistinct behind. Sooyoung dropped a silver glass somewhere in their far front and she muttered a distracted, <em>Shit, my bad.</em></p><p>
  
</p><p>“I think you should ask me how my day was in return, it’s respectful or you know, if you want to continue this conversation.” Jinsol turned backwards to the bar to lean her back on the table side, her elbows resting on top and her expression flaccid.</p><p>Jungeun was watching her in the corner of her eye but she would never admit to herself that she could still remember everything. “Did we kiss?”</p><p>“Once or twice. My memory is hazy.”</p><p><em>Do you like kissing me? </em>“Did we fuck?”</p><p>“On your couch and on your bed. And then I went home because I had work early in the morning.”</p><p><em>Do you like touching me? </em>“Alright.”</p><p>“Jungeun? Everything okay there?”</p><p>She snapped back into reality when she realized she was staring in the bottle of Jose Cuervo like she’d to bore holes in it.</p><p>“You’re surprisingly aloof.” Jinsol was massaging the tension out of her shoulder blades. “And tensed.” Jungeun couldn’t think for the better and allowed herself to lean slightly into her touch.</p><p>She noticed Jinsol’s empty table. “Are you not going to drink anything?”</p><p>“I’d rather taste you sober.” There was a slightly harder press of a thumb under the bone of her shoulder blade. Jungeun could also feel her face flushing up but the lights of the bar did magic to hide her contrast.</p><p>“Don’t you have a verbal filter on?” She reached for a shot glass that was refilled by Sooyoung moments ago.</p><p>Jinsol let out a laugh. “What for? I hate beating around the bush.”</p><p>“I can tell.”</p><p>Jinsol reached out to grab Jungeun’s tequila. “To responding just because I wanted to fuck.” She extended her arm to clink the glass with the one Jungeun was holding. “And definitely not because I wanted to get to know you better.”</p><p>Jungeun thought Jinsol was projecting, but weren’t the both of them? Despite feeling compromised, she drank. With Jinsol’s hand placed comfortably on her shoulder, a warm distinction over the coldness that settled in her heart for being so confused that she would rather feel nothing at all. When the time comes, they would talk. But tonight was different. She could not make herself worry about what was waiting when they were already holding hands under the table.</p><p>--</p><p>Jinsol took her home when they were both drunk out of their minds. Jungeun could feel her brain melting but in a good way. She smoked a cigarette too. Where Jinsol lighted one for her and landed soft kisses on her lips every after she puffed a smoke.</p><p>“Can you light another one for me?” Jungeun was pouring herself another glass of this horrible tequila.</p><p>“Nope, you reached the sticks you can have in a day.” Jinsol was pocketing the pack Sooyoung sold to her disappointingly, as if it was against her will to take part in Jungeun’s growing nicotine dependence.</p><p>“Says fucking who?”</p><p>“The one and only.” Was the last thing she heard before taking one of the last shots she claimed that would be her ‘last’.</p><p>--</p><p>Jinsol took Jungeun home to her apartment just before the bar closes for the night. She gave a drunken goodbye at Sooyoung, Jinsol hailed a cab, she kissed Jinsol every time she felt the car stopping at a red light.</p><p>“I want to take my time with you.” Jungeun was whispering in Jinsol’s ear as if she was begging, but never in her years did she beg directly. It was always <em>I want.</em> Without a hint of <em>Please</em>, but it was there. Underneath her thick skin, the desire to be touched and wanted was always there.</p><p>Jinsol brushed the hair away from her face in reply.</p><p>--</p><p>They never made love that night. Jungeun was too drunk. And Jinsol was always careful. Words could be scathing because they could mean beyond what language ought them to be. But time was different, time was delicate for the both of them.</p><p>She settled Jungeun on her couch because bringing her upstairs would be futile due to her legs.</p><p>“I’ll text you. I’ll call you. Or whatever…” Jungeun was speaking to Jinsol with her eyes closed. She hated feeling drunk to the point that what was happening was indescribable to her.</p><p>Because she wouldn’t remember most about when Jinsol was planting soft kisses in her mouth in between puffs or when they were making fun of the boys Jinsol dated before she realized she was more into girls, and it was a formative reason as to why things weren’t working out in her relationships back in college.</p><p>She wouldn’t remember words and that’s better because they could mean anything or nothing. But she hated not being able to remember when Jinsol hugged her from where she was kneeling in front of the couch. The way Jinsol buried her face in her neck to breathe in the remnants of the cigarettes that she smoked, of tequila and the slight trace of her wavering perfume. She would not remember Jinsol kissing her fingers traced with lime. And she would not remember Jinsol hesitating at the doorstep before heading out into the night to return to where she came from.</p><p> </p><p>--</p><p>She met Sooyoung in the train station that morning. She was heading to the office and Sooyoung was headed to the morning classes of her masters.</p><p>Jungeun thought she never slept that night.</p><p>When they boarded in the train and the silence and peace of the morning commute swept over, Sooyoung asked her.</p><p>“Do you like her?”  Sooyoung was staring her in the eye.</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Does she like you?”</p><p>Jungeun adjusted in her seat because she felt like it was trapping her. “Only when she’s drunk.”</p><p>“And you’re okay with that?”</p><p>“She’s drunk every night.” Or so she wished.</p>
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